Unstable

Today has been a trying day to say the least. I woke up this morning really early because I was anxious about my first class. And then I went to look in the mirror and my mind instantly went to a bad place, but honestly that was the least of it. When I got to school everyone was dressed in their chapel outfits but right after all of the cheerleaders changed into their uniforms. All day I had to smile at my closest friends and tell them how great they looked while I sat there wishing I could be wearing one too. After lunch I only had one class...P.E. I am currently not allowed to do it and therefor I had to sit out for an hour and a half and watch everyone else do what I only wish I could.

On my way to ACE a friend of mine who I did gym with for a lot of years texted me asking if I had heard about my coach. I said I knew some of it. He has been my coach for like 8-10 years. He is honestly like a second dad to me, and I felt so in the dark and so sad about what was going on with him. Anyway he pretty much built up our team program and then when he got sick and had to go into the hospital he got fired....I don't understand. I tried emailing him, and I called leaving him a message. All through mindfulness I felt distracted. Dinner came and the stress of the day plus the stress of my parents just became too much. I wasn't hungry and even more my food tasted like shit. I wonder what normal people do when they get stressed? Because for me it always jumps straight for restricting or eating/purging.

I actually really enjoyed experiential. Although we didn't get to do an activity it was nice to establish the "safety" that the group seeks so often.  That group is honestly the best process even though it isn't supposed to be group.

And I am actually really proud of myself...I had a boost since I had a hard time with dinner and I still managed to come home and drink my ensure. This blog doesn't seem to have much of a point I just really needed to be able to try and sort through my day.